Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
