I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize