One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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