Cold hands, warm shart.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize