I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
