I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize