3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
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