She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize