If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
