note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
