Cold hands, warm shart.
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
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