Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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