it was like his penis was on wheels.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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