nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
