My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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