Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Randomize
