My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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