I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Randomize