What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
