My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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