On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
