Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
