My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
