it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
