grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
my shit smells like andre
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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