I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
either way he was missing a nipple.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
