sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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