Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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