when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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