dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
