in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
