I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Randomize
