We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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