Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
