drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
