He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
