Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
