Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Randomize
