I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize
