Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
