drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
