nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
