dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Randomize