They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Randomize
