I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize