its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
So much Jack, so little girl.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
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