Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Randomize
