You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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