Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
