So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
