Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
