I accidentally had phone sex last night
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
