sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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