Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize
