so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
