For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Randomize
