I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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