My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
