Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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