the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Randomize
