Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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