You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
