how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
