White coat. Heels.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
