i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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