Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
