its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
