your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize