That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
