OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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