He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
