She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
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