I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
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