Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
