You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
