I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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