you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
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