just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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