I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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