look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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