he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
